Everything Yellow

One October afternoon in 2001, I met someone ten years older my age. This person was 24 then. It was over lunch at Shang. The same night, we continued on with the togetherness over sap music in a white Corolla which ended in a place with more mirrors than windows. More than anything and everything that happened that day, that night, what I remember most is this person's scent. Every single time since that moment, and after all the times we met back then, until we decided not to see each other again, that scent lingers... it haunts me.

Ten years later, I'm probably that person now. I'm 24. I bought myself that scent. Not like the full thing, but just enough to remember this person by. And I can't stop smiling and remembering that moment... that moment a whopping ten years ago.

This person was right. We can't be together. Even though this person was only 24 then and would have probably looked really hot and stunning, by the time I turn 24- this person would be 34, and I would suddenly lose interest. 

Somehow, I wish I could have more than just a scent.
Ten years later, I still know you. I remember you. 

Read on the news that Jennifer Hudson will perform a tribute to Whitney Houston at the Grammy's tomorrow. Aww, just fitting as Houston was the one who awarded Hudson her first ever Grammy- Best R&B Album back in 2009.

I am a lover of Solenn Heussaff. I am a lover of Rogue.

I had the September 2009 issue when a friend gave it to me by the time I learned about this fearless and, true to its name, rogue magazine. It was apparently Solenn's second time on the cover months before she had her big break on GMA 7's Survivor Philippines. The first issue, however, which happens to have featured Solenn Heussaff on the maiden issue was given to me by the magazine's Creative Director when I told him how much of a lover I am of Rogue. Thank you, Miguel, always and always!

Today, I had my two Solenn covers signed with love.

I was at a shoot today for work. I was there to monitor, so most of my time I spent off the studio and watched the goings-on from the TV in the room where the food set-up was. Maricel, the account manager of the production house we worked with was on her wordpress updating her 2012 year-long blog project. Wow. People still blog. I told her how much in-love I used to be with blogging back in 2007. I was so into it that I would cut classes and go to the library to update my site. Livejournal was my first site and no matter how many others' I have signed up on, I still keep going back to my first love. I told Maricel how much I admire what she does- blogging, and making it a point to blog daily. I was confronted with the question why do I not blog anymore. Twitter. Twitter killed my blog sites. If you can express everything you have in your head by just logging on from your phone, and it's so micro that you don't have to be too wordy, you'd forget about all the other sites. My, my.

The year 2011, as I had attracted, was rough when it started. They said it would be a tough one for the Rabbits, and I was born in that year, and all year long in 2010, I only had one fear- a really tough 2011. True enough, it started in a difficult manner for me. No one from the office may have noticed how down I was during the first quarter, they wouldn't, I just channeled all my attention to my launches then- Selecta Hershey's, Super Thick Classic, Choco Java, among others, and it worked for me. I almost forgot what I was so much sad about. For that, I was grateful.

On work: Although, in the middle of the year, my now former boss- she who found me when I was searching for a Media job, left, and it was really sad. It got me to thinking, the circumstances may have won over the both of us, but all is good in the hands of the Lord. She left with well wishes for me and they came true, and yes, I was and am very grateful. Her leaving opened a new tandem in the office, as strong as the last one, but definitely- much gay-er. My new boss is as hell of a happy-gay person as I am, and I can't recall a single day when there was no screaming and shouting in the office, because we were just always both on a high. The most significant times in 2011, work-wise, would be how much appreciation it was that I received from my clients. I will choose to not go into details, but just to hear those words from the person who Ii was most terrified of, man, it was an indescribable feeling, really. I wouldn't have been what I am now if it wasn't for their appreciation and the continuous support of my mates. In 2011 also was the birth of a more-solid 9th floor, Masscom girls (with the Skin and Hair girls), the marriage of Arden and Grace (the best Media Buyer in the world), and the rise of the jologs group- Ps, Jo Ann, and Me-Ann who all have been blessed by Our Lady of Monte Maria in Batangas. Jo Ann, however, left the office in quarter four, and I must admit, it was sadder than I thought it would be. But all is good in the spirit of friendship. All these people, past and present, are always there. Have always been there.

On friends: In the earlier months, I had three people carry me along- they were the only ones who knew what I was going through- the heart break, oh what a heart break, I tell you. But with their solid selves and endless jokes, I was able to carry the weight of the world, looked at life with a colorful attitude, and always have the gift of wisdom in me- that I am not alone, will never be alone. I have them. They, to me, are love.

As the year kicked in, I only had this mantra which I wanna share with you all (who knows, this might work for you: the worst has come, let all the goods in. The goods came in and I don't and never want to stop counting them.


On family: My family is my first love. I have no greater love for anything, not greater than God's of course, but for my family. The Lord keeps answering all my prayers for He knows they're for the good of the people (and their families) that I'm praying for- yes, jobs and opportunities for them, and love. Although, I am still praying that some of my relatives would soften and lighten up in the coming years. I was born to a great Khan clan, and being hard-hearted is not how I know my relatives for. The Lagmans are as equally as lovely as they have always been. I love them. I love my family more than anything in this world. I know my purpose in life, and it's all for them, and this includes Rackie and our pets. ♥

On love: Boracay 2011, my 4th to count, to document, was nothing but loveless romance with random people. My Coron trip in July, however, was nothing but the true meaning of love. Even if it was just a borrowed time with someone's heart, I felt that love was there with me, and it never left. I felt how it was like to live-in with someone- walk and eat with this person, sleep and watch TV, do the market and budget for the coming days. It was nothing, but my ideal relationship. Well, it may have not flourished because in Manila, I'm not the relationship kind. In Coron, maybe I was. Oh, and on love- I got to be in touch with my ex from back in the days who I thought I lost to Ondoy because I never heard of him since 2003, I guess, and he lives in Marikina. Glad to know he's OK.

This was the year for me with the most number of fallen dates. I fell so much in like with a couple of people- one who gets me to thinking about Adam Levine every time because of the stubbles- oh this dude is a work of art- the most beautiful face, I tell you, and his drinking habit is actually a turn-on, and the other, a radio personality who was bigger than his body- the fame got in his head, and it was too big to even bang me. There was also this Mexican national, born to a Filipino mother, who just wouldn't respond to my invitations, except for that one time in Jupiter. There was this cute corporate dude who my friends from the other side (*erm*) tried hooking me up with, but it wasn't the right time, as I was still in so much love with the Coron dude. Lastly, the most valuable date I had in 2011 was this guy who my bestfriends later on became Twitter friends with- my 90's music buddy. We had a roller coaster all in like a month's worth. It was phenomenal. But we knew love wasn't for us, so, I'm still single, and he's now with his perfect match. I wouldn't even remember how I was able to squeeze all them in. It was like an orgy of dates, and no one finished.

To account, this year, also, got me to meeting (with photo opportunity) THE SCRIPT, and there was Thirty Seconds To Mars, Incubus, and the American Idol guys, among all the concerts I've attended. To account also, was that evening with Cirque Du Soleil- a date with my bestfriend to the world of Varekai.


On not-giving-up: In April of 2011, the 16th, there was an almost 3-way combo, well- there was: the hosting the Birthday party of actress Inna Raymundo' son for a raket, I got to watch, meet, and greet The Script, and met a guy named David- you all know the story. David's significance to my 2011 was that our encounter, the losing of the number, the days of trying and trying (disturbing almost everyone in my network) to find it back, and the finding of it back, the communication, and the closure made me believe in myself. Yes, if I want somthing, and really want something, I never stop trying to get it, or altleast let it know that I want it. At the same time, it got me to the appeciation of how I understand the difference between want and need. I wanted David, but he wasn't for me, and so it happened. He is to get married, he can't be gay- he's a tycoon of sorts. I can't come between him and his business. David was the epitome of my ideal guy- educated (from Ateneo), has a decent job (Marketing), drives a car (hahaha), and is not pure Filipino. He was that guy, but not for me. At least, on the brighter side of things- there's one more like him. Just I wait and wait and wait... and wait and see.



There was this time in the office (at the 9/F) when I was asking everyone this question: "2011, good or bad?". And when I was faced with that question, I had this for an answer:

It was rough. It was difficult. But if I'm to list down the bad times and the good times all in the year's worth, the good- by a mile- will definitely outnumber the bad. Hence, it was a good year.

I would like to sum this year up by telling you of how significant this planner is. See image below.



This is the 2012 Starbucks Planner. And it was a gift. A gift for a very special reason. OK, so since I started working, I have been trying to collect stickers for the annual planner- in 2008, it was with the help of my good date, in 2009, I collected it with my U-Enai friends- a race to the 17th sticker, in 2010, I had more coffee time with a stable job, and in 2011- this year, for the 2012 planner- I gave up.

This year had me in the worst state of acid level. I would drink a grande, and I'd feel like vomiting right after. I knew that the race to 17 would be a difficult one, so I knew I had to stop, and just gave my hopes for a planner away. I was at the point of creating my own one with a notebook and printed calendars. Yes, I gave up. I accepted the consequences of coffee, and there. Meanwhile, a couple of good friends, from out of the blue blue sky, asked me if I already had one (or it could be like- if I'd still want one). They knew what I was going through, and they started collecting stickers for me. One afternoon, I already have a Starbucks 2012 planner. The oak one. I don't love this planner because it was expensive, because it was a a fad and yey, I'm in on the bandwagon. No. I loved it because it pretty much wraps up how my year was like. I gave up. I almost gave up. But here are people- family, relatives, friends- coming to me, walking with me. I wish that they may never get tired. :-)

***
So to 2011, I leave you with this line from one of this year's most awesome new comers- Foster The People. This is not my favorite from the album, and definitely not my song of the year (on my annual countdown), but this line just gets me to this state of knowing what to do when you're all pissed on by circumstances and negative energies:

"YEAH YEAH AND IT'S OK.
I TIE MY HANDS UP TO A CHAIR, SO I DON'T FALL THAT WAY.
YEAH YEAH AND I'M ALRIGHT.
I TOOK A SIP OF SOMETHING POISON, BUT I'LL HOLD ON TIGHT."

- Helena Beat by Foster The People

THANK YOU, 2011! I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!

Since 2001, I've been creating my annual Top 10 chart giving honor to the songs that have been a really huge part of my life in the previous 12 months. Before I dish out my list for 2011, let's first take a look back on my list in 2010.

Unexpectedly, after making it to the top of my list in 2010, a first time for this Irish band, (they had the 3rd spot in my 2008 Songs Of The Year list for Breakeven), they came to the country in April of 2011 to promote the sophomore album- and this became one of the best concerts Manila has ever witnessed.

The 10th addition to my SONG OF THE YEAR, succeeding these titles since 2001: Lady marmalade, Breathing, Half-Life, Harder To Breathe, We belong Together, Bad Day, 4 In The Morning, Viva La Vida, You Found Me, is...

(PLEASE, if you're any of the friends who I've told his real name to, do not reveal it to anyone or write it down on the comment box. Not even his job, not anything. Please do it for me.)


I dedicate this letter to the three fairies who helped me find him:
Barbie, the male and the it girl.






I'm sure most of my friends have been aware of the Serendipity-like story of my life about the guy who found me along the street of Libis, rolled his window down at me, and drove me home safely. And this guy whose number I lost that night. My first love letter to this 'David' is on this blog: http://ardenkhan.livejournal.com/133341.html.


It happened on the night of April 16, 2011, a Saturday, until the first minutes of the next day. Since I lost his number the moment he gave it to me, I never stopped thinking about him. I never stopped trying to locate where he is, and who he is. Again, as I said on my love letter to him, all I want is to just thank him.


For four months, I called almost everyone in my network who could help me find him, or his number back. For four months, I went to the spot in Libis where we met twice- both on Saturday nights, exactly the time we met. I didn't see him. For four months, everytime I'd see a silver CRV, I wanted to hail that and see if it's him driving. After exactly four months, like roughly 16 Saturdays later, I found him.


The first few steps I took was to contact all the FMCG companies- Marketing Department in Makati, and pretend that I was calling for business- because he said, on the night we met, that he is a Brand Manager for an FMCG brand, and that he offices in Makati. I called Mead-Johnson, Monde Nissin, Del Monte, etc. No David was employed there.


Then I realized that his name may not really be David. So the next step I took was to borrow Ateneo yearbooks from my friends from different batches. He said he was 27, so he would probably be born in 1983, or 1984, and would have graduated in 2003, 2004, or 2005. I tried to borrow the yearbooks of an old friend from RX 93.1, my client from Selecta, and some others', but I couldn't set a schedule with them to bring theirs.


One morning, Barbie, one of the Group Heads in our office, a graduate of ADMU, brought hers. This Barbie is a very petite girl and she carried her very heavy 2-piece yearbook to work to help me find him. My goal was to atleast have 3 different yearbooks (from different batches), but hers was a stroke of luck. I was browsing through the leaves looking for a David, but I failed to see one who looked like him. Until I saw a guy, whose name is not David, but I couldn't take my eyes off of that page, because in my heart, I knew, it was him. I will not reveal his real name.


I tried to search this guy on Facebook, and he didn't / doesn't have an account. David, in our conversation, said that he didn't have any social networking page. So I googled this guy, and the story goes on.



(PLEASE, if you're any of the friends who I've told his real name to, do not reveal it to anyone or write it down on the comment box. Not even his job, not anything. Please do it for me.)


Months later, I landed on to "The Male", and I fished a few information about the possible David without really revealing my purpose of doing so. I made friends with this male, and in our conversations, I learned that two, three, four of the information I knew about David matched the information of this possible David. All I needed was to know his number, because the digits I remember were: David's network provider, the number after that, the number 1, and three consecutive numbers alike (like 222, 444, 777). The Male wouldn't give me the number, and I understood him. What's important is that I'm happilly one step closer to him.


Later, I landed on to "The It Girl". From out of nowhere, I did. I asked her if she'd know this possible David from this certain company, and she did. I begged for the number, and said that I was calling for business. I got the number, and it was was his number, it was him.


I called, he wouldn't pick up. I texted, and he replied.


I told him, via a text message, that not a single day did I ever stop thinking about him. And that if I didn't text after the night we met, it was because I lost his number. And as desired, I told him, "THANK YOU. Thank you for driving me home safely that night."



He replied. And he asked me to move on, and he wished me the best.


That was all I needed. To send my message of "Thank Yous" and to hear from him.
That's all I ever asked God for. And He granted me that.


***
Last night, I got back to Manila from Taal. I stayed in the place where I met him for the thrid time, and probably the last since April 16. I stayed there from 10:30 PM to 12MN. I texted him. I asked him to come and drive by, pick me up, and drive me home for the last time. Last night marked the 16th or 17th Saturday since we met.



He replied: "I can't come. Please go home. I'd appreciate it if we both move on".




Before leaving the place, I texted him, for the last time: "I'm leaving my heart in this spot. Find it if you will." And then I left a yellow balloon, the one I brought home from Taal, in that spot.


I left it there in that spot along Libis- the yellow balloon... my heart.

Even before I got to watch his earlier "rather bold" film, Shortbus, I already have been a great fan of his music. I have his later two albums, Goddamned and In Living Cover, and been watching his stints on Youtube. I can say that this openly-gay independent folk artist is the writer and the voice behind my life's great soundtracks. Being the huge fanboy that I am, I tweet him every chance I get.

Last Christmas, when I was fresh from watching The Kids Are All Right- where in the film, Annette Bening and Mark Ruffalo both sang Joni Mitchell's All I Want, I thought about Jay Brannan as he, too, has an amazing rendition of the song. (Check it out by clicking on this link). So having the song stuck in my head, along with his beautiful god-like face, I sent him some Holiday Cheers from Manila on Facebook, and he replied!



And eventhough I received eye-opening love notes from friends saying that this could be a faux, I have always had the feeling that this Jay Brannan isn't. I just have this strong feeling that this is actually him as everything on his Twitter and on this Facebook page is in-synch. You may think what you wanna, but the story doesn't end here.

Now, last Friday, July 1st, as I was browsing through the Twitter homepage, I tripped on a tweet by Jay Brannan directing to this twitpic link:




Although his response may not be much, I'd like to believe that it is too me. I know he's the guy I'll never get to have, but I'm just glad that I'm having this somewhat connection with him. Here's a screenshot of how that night went:

So today, I had this sorta kinda moment with my I’m-Turning-Japanese friend during lunch break. I swear, I was LOST IN TRANSLATION. Despite the language barrier, we got to talk about a lot of stuff like Lady Gaga, the tsunami in Japan, the Harajuku Girls, the Filipino lifestyle and fashion, and his favorite food.

Although the highlight of that moment was when he told me about his life in Japan. The only thing I got to digest is the part where he said that he lives in Osaka.

Since I met my Japan-Japan last week in the building elevator, Coldplay’s song from their Viva La Vida album, “Lovers In Japan”, has been playing in my head. It always does every time I think about him. The lyric says, “Tonight maybe we’re gonna run. Dreaming of the Osaka sun.”

So I guess, him and that Coldplay song is meant to be.

My Tita already asked me to get a passport last November.

My office mate already tried to tag me when she applied for hers in April.

I opted not to, yet.

Now, the call is here. And I don’t have one.

Argh.

Wednesday, June 21st, around half past lunch time, in the Goldloop elevator- I met a guy.

As I closed the elevator, I tripped on him, turned my head as he was farther, and he smiled and said, "Hi!". I reckon that it was one of the few English words he knows. When the elevator dings 9th, he held the doors for me and I looked back and smiled. And the elevator closed. Wana, my office mate, knows this story as she was with me on that ride.

After I was done with lunch, I realized that that could have been a moment right there, if only I wasn't too naive and did just smile. So after which, I immediately went down to the lobby and spoke with the receptionist. I learned that this guy in white, much taller than I, is a new student at the English Learning Center on the 15th floor, and that he is Japanese. For at first I thought he was Korean.

There and then I asked her to switch me up to the 15th floor, and she did. Once I got off the elevator, I saw him, I smiled, and the floor attendant asked me what my business was. I said, "I missed my floor, may I pass through the fire exit?". Smoothly, I went out with a big smile on my face.

I went back down to the lobby and left a letter with the receptionist for this Japanese guy. The letter had my name and number in it. The receptionist handed it over to Mr. Japan when he went down at 3. I instructed the cupid to call me on my local once she's given the letter as I'd like to speak with the boy. She did, thrice. I missed the call as I was engaged in a meeting in the conference room. Sucked that I didn't give her my mobile so she could have texted, but I thought that it was too much to ask.

Something happened the next day. I received a call.

Story to be told soon.

I'm wishing for love.
If the perfect one would mean losing myself in translation, I don't mind. Not at all.



"Tonight maybe we're gonna run, dreaming of the Osaka sun."
- Lovers In Japan by Coldplay

This song is very much dangerous to listen to. You're seriously gonna get hooked to it.
Here I go again.

"All the other kids with the pumped up kicks- you better run, better run, outrun my gun."

My new favorite song "Pumped Up Kicks" is from the American indie-electronic trio Foster The People.

I had the least clue that they would actually be an American band as their sound borders the Atlantic reminding me of my favorite Scandinavian bands such as:

"I'm getting older, too.
I think I should be looking for a relationship that can last for more than 36 hours."
- Holly Holiday, Glee Season 2

Yes. It's that Glee cover of a Stevie Nicks song that got me to thinking about this so seriously that I had to blog everything I feel and all my lewd interests that go with it.


Disclaimer: If you're heart and insides are puny, don't bother read through this post. Sucker.


I've been single for about 15 months now. My last relationship was some fancy coming-of-age drama with someone who I considered as the forbidden one back in 2004. Since the last break-up, I've dated say a couple of guys, or make it 3 if I reckon that the dude who I've had a long crush on would consider our one night a date, who got me to thinking that I'm not the relationship kind. I feel like I'm running out of oxygen every time a guy is present in my life. I get stressed by thinking about him too much, and if it's the other way around, I feel tied down.

I don't really know what I want, seriously. On second thought, I do. Although I must say, it's a matter of knowing who I want, or to safely put it- the kind of guy I want. Let's go back to them bullets:

• He has to be a foreigner. An alien. Why? Here's my two cents worth- I feel that all homosexual relationships end up with the one cheating on the other. If it doesn't end that way, the other one is dense and desperate. I'd rather be hurt, cheated on by someone who's not from this country, who doesn't know our culture because I give Filipinos no rights to hurting other Filipinos. Whereas if a foreigner who doesn't at all understand the culture and how sweet we all are comes hitting me every time we fight, cheating on me- fine, all he wants. He's an alien. He's expected to be like sorta.
• Has to have a car. Not that I'm materialistic or a gold digger, screw you. I'm wealthy enough for myself because I have a decent career, and as far as I'm concerned, I don't need anyone's money or financial assistance when I go out. My best friends already have that role in my life. I don't need to have a new guy take that post from them. It's more of the idea of being picked up from the office and being brought home, drive-thru dinners, roadtrips to the end of the world just to pick up a cup of hot tea. It's the wild idea of traveling with the windows down, feeling the air on my face, and when I look to left, I see the face of him who I love.
• He has to be educated. He has to have a decent job. He has to be going home to his family. Because that's what I am, what I do. And I tend to be so narcissistic at this. Pleasure for him to be living on the East side as well. Not really a fan of long distance shit. And Makati, Pasay, Quezon City are to be considered long distance already.
• He has to like what I like: movies, music, food. Sorry, but I don't like going back to square one where I'm gonna have to learn the music he likes and sit through it every time we're together which I know will never happen because I dominate. What I like should be what's on when we're together- be it the movie, the music, and the food.

Am I really this self-centered? Oops. Ever wondered why I've been single for long? And excuse me, for a guy who's been hopping from one relationship to another in my glory days, 15 months of being single is already a long time.

***
On sex. Lately, when I've been going down and dirty with random guys I know (who I do it safely with), I realized that I'm just a one-time guy. It's sick to find out that when I do it once with a guy, I don't feel like doing it with him again. Although I must say, the words you're so hot, I like you let's do this again, are always all over the place during the act. After the climax down to the denouement, these words go out the window and I desire to be alone again.

I would really, really, really like to find a guy who I'd be so thrilled to have sex with day after day after day. It's so hard. Isn't nobody sexy anymore? Well, if Sam Milby would do it with me, then he's this guy I'm taking about. Perfect peg. But what in the equations are the chances.

***
I think that, and I say it again, I'm better off alone. I'm happy with the way I maneuver my life. I'm busy with my media and advertising job, very happy with my family, very satisfied (or not really) where I'm at (although somehow I still dream of earning bigger, please). And when I feel hot, I just look for whoever can rub me off.

But at the end of the day, before I go to bed, I dream of being with that one perfect guy who is inclusive of all those bullet points above.

I guess I have to keep waiting. Or searching.

Oh, and last anecdote- last night, I was with my best friends Maphy and JV, and we were backstabbing all our friends with fallen relationships. They asked me why can't I find the right guy when there's about ten out there who do me a second glance whenever I do the cat walk. I said and I learned that, yes, there's a hundred men out there, but only one bullet missing, I run out of interest. I want the perfect one. Just the perfect one.



I guess... I took my love and I took it down.

Dear David,

I'm on Wordpress.

My banger sister- on a bus ride to a supposed rock gig- said, "We are young and the time to make mistakes in NOW." With that in mind, I QUIT MY JOB. So today, I made it official, I left my Call Center job and off I run to find a new one hoping to find what I REALLY WANT along the way.

I'm young and very sickly and I guess all I ever want in this life is time to think things over and breathe... with my lung condition, breathing might be challenging. I love you, Acquire! As I have indicated on my resignation paper, it was a "first time" worth remembering. Yes, Acquire Asia Pacific was my first employer since graduating from College with the degree I stretched my bones to the fullest for.

I look back, I recall May 6, 2008, I was with Willy Sy, one of my 2 guy Best Friends, we walked in to Acquire, office located at the Lower Ground of the Worldwide Corporate Center along Shaw Blvd. I was young, I had no idea what was in store for me. Inna Aldeguer, my College Best Friend refered me to the company and so I got in, not because she referred me, it's because they thought I was good with the help of "RX 93.1" all over my resume, they thought, hey, this boy can talk, more than that, this boy can speak. With no work experience whatsoever, I got the job offer, a basic salary of Sixteen Thousand plus, on top, regularization allowance, commission and other bonuses.

20 Days, I worked all the necessary forms: from SSS number to NBI Clearance, I learned that life was never gonna be as easy as how it was in College. May 26th, start of Training. 18 months, I served Acquire, or they served me. I left because I knew I had to already.

I've seen million faces pass me by. From my fellow trainees to fellow agents who come and go and the bosses who later on found a better ofer elsewhere, I learned that leaving is always a part of every employee's life. After all, nothing's permanent to even begin with. And taking this small detail of life, which is employment, the whole idea of permanence is sure to be a perfect fit.

On the floor, I have always been the bottom performer. They love to call me a 'bottom' for some reason. Seriously now, I didn't know what I was doing. Being a newbie was never an excuse for my poor performance. From June of 08 to January of 09, I was stuck at Level 1 on the campaign for the beginners, Cold Dialing Campaign, Outbound Sales. I had 4 Team Leaders who I could say took care of me and then later on gave up on me- Eugene Mendoza, Jay-Jay Lim, Chris Misa and my trainer who then became a TL, Nino Simborio.

November, Nino moved to "the better campaign" and I was left dialing Cold. I was then handled by the TL who I have to say has got to be the best boss, leader, immediate supervisor I had been under, Eric Manalo. I spent the holidays in the office with Eric and my team mates, we were his first team as he got promoted from being a Sales Coach. I received the best Christmas gift from a boss, a fancy bracelet which I always wore, reminding me that in everything I do, there's always a TL to back me up, wrapped around me, so I better not fail. In January 2009, I was somewhat promoted, I would love to call it that, I started dialing the "way better campaign" on Outbound Sales, Online Campaign. Eric was still my supervisor then. I dialed Online leads until May of 2009. That was the time when I earned more than what I thought I was gonna be capable of. Twelve Thousand per cut-off and I was just on Level 1.

May of 2009, Eric was moved to another campaign, as equally as good as Online, Inbound Campaign. I was then handled by Sheryll Ronquillo. (Oh no, I'm starting to cry.) Sheryll was my first female boss. She was the only bos my parents got to meet when we bumped with each other at Kenny's in Mega. That time, my poor performance had become something that's beyond her control. I failed big time and so she let me go. I was transferred to another campaign, not as bad as Cold could be but it wasn't as heavenly as Online. I was transferred to April Nograles, another awesome lady love. I then dialed the "Online-2 Campaign." In July of 2009, I was diagnosed with Systemic Viral Infection and I got confined for 4 Days and 3 Nights. I had been absent for 9 Days in July and as per the handbook, no matter the reason, one cannot dial a "Special Campaign" with a heavy amount of absences. So April let me go and transferred me to Rich Dela Cruz, I was back to Cold Calling. It was not a bad experience to be dialing Cold again, I'd been there for the longest time anyway.

Last week of July, I tried to apply for a higher position in another Department, the Winback Manila Department in Acquire. Same acount, diferent job description. From the Department name itself, Winback, to win customers back. I made it and instantly, my status became Level 2. From the position title, Outbound Sales Representative Level 1, I became an Account Specialist Level 2. With generous training from Gian Isip and supervision of DM Sue Peterson, PM Marvin Maglonzo and immediate boss, Coach/ Team Leader Anne Dadufalza, I was living the life of an Account Manager. I have to say as well that I wouldn't be as awesome of an agent if it wasn't for the Level 3s who guided me along the way especially Leona Tampoc aka Ate Lyn Lyn, my Best Friend LT's sister.

November 2009, as I celebrate my 18th month, I left.
Health reasons, personal reasons, they came in handy. Very timely, we are moving addresses and I've been very sick lately, sick enough to stop making calls. I've been diagnosed with Pharyngitis twice, thrice in a year and I should give my throat, pharynx some rest. I was considered to be a candidate for Tonsilectomy (if I mispelled it, f*ck me) for my tonsils are way infected.

I just wanna tell everyone that Acquire rocked my life.
I will forever be thankful.

To all the people I've met through my first job,
it was nice knowing you all. :-)


If this is yet another huge mistake I've done in my life, nothing's responsible for the blame, not even my glamorous beautiful self. I'm young, I can change the course of my life because I'm only 22. I can live the next 22 years more making mistakes. Provided, I return to every detail and try... try to correct each and every mistake, breakdown and downfall.

So I guess this is Good Bye?


Lastly, to my girlfriends and boy tropas from Sales, to the ones who are still with Acquire and to the ones who have left before me, Honey Del Coro (my first ever friend in AAP), Michelle Genio, Lara Santos, Cindy Morales, Marese Secades, Berns Bunda, Pablo Uy, RJ Reyes, Quen Pineda, Mark Gatpayat and Matz Diaz, I love you and I'll miss you forever. To my Winback Family from the HOT Team to the WARM Team to the COLD Team to Recontracting and Cash Converters, you guys rock the Christmas Party, alright?

To my one and only crush at work who I never got to know, yes, I never had crush on anyone in Acquire except for this new HR who replaced the lady who hired me, Kitty Magpayo. Yes, you, Ivan Nava, you're simply beautiful and I still dream about kising your butt cheeks.


To all my gays in the office, it's all about the color Yellow, honey.
Remember me with a smile, always! :-)


Good on ya, mate!

Today marks my third day of not reporting to work. I've been slightly sick and now I feel over-the-top sick.

Tuesday, I went to Mega Clinic, Mega Mall to go through this "Pulmonary Function Test" and the results were quite expected, I have an infection somewhere. What surprised me was when it was already labeled as a 'disease' in the lungs which is alarming if you'd ask me. The findings stated, "Small Airways Obstructive Disease."

Wednesday, I had a Chest X-Ray done and today, I wait for the results.


I'm a smoker and that explains everything. This blog is to remind every one that it's not bad to believe what most people say, smoking is dangerous to your health, to our health. Let's all cut-down on puffin and lighting a stick after another. We can do this, seriously.

***
Crash and burn, yes. I crash, I burn. Been going through hard times lately with work. I don't know. What I do now is plainly work, I work to earn. This is not what I see myself doing for the next few months, years. This is not a career and there's no way I can make a career out of it. Been the bottom performer for far too many times now and I tend to ask myself, have I been learning from all these, really? The problem is in me yet I can't hate myself for not trying to strive. Now I don't know where this blog entry's going, I better get outta here and wait for my X-ray results. I wanna grab some doughnuts.

***
By the way, I've created a Wordpress account. You might wanna check it. But seriously, LJ, I'll never leave you. You're my first true love and I will love you forever.

Since Monday this week, I've been on a lowdown on how to cut my smoking in a day's worth. I've been very unwell lately and all I knew I had to do was to just quit it but I couldn't, I can't.

Since Monday this week, I've been having this oh-my-god moment at work and it's like everything I tried to actually work for, from my position to my reputation is falling apart.

So Since Monday this week, I've been undergoing this sweet therapy where every after work, I make it a point to chill and munch on the "flavor of the day" which makes me look like a pregnant lady craving for what she doesn't know.

Country Style Doughnuts in Shangri-La goes on a 20% sale every after 7pm, just in time for my craving. So I munch on the Peanut Butter one for 25 pesos and the Rocky Road doughnut was heaven, oh and never fail to try the Strawberry doughnut for 20 pesos, it's like the sweetest they have from the store, like, totally sweet you're not gonna intend to try it again.

It's a blessing in a way that we have McDonald's and Starbucks parallel to our office, like a good 40 steps and you're there. I have been craving for Vanilla Sundae at 25 pesos and Starbucks ultimate Belgian Waffle with Strawberry Syrup at 70 pesos like every single time I get depressed. 100 pesos every day for a treat is taking me to heaven. It lessens my smoking habit and I'm all, wow, floating. The downfall, though, is me being all cough-y and sniff-y. I hate it but I don't know, I can't stop craving for sweets.

I'm like this because for a good 2 months, I totally erased chocolates and everything sweet from my life. It was like a painful break-up, I tell you. I suffered from GERD, acid reflux, like Julie Powell's husband, Eric, in Julie & Julia. So bad I couldn't drink anything but water, not even milk or juice. So right now, I feel all over it and I'm like allowed to take things in moderation so, hey, it's a party!

Just a two-cents worth on well, everything but bitterness. :-)




Oh and tonight, it's a banana and Selecta Rocky Road fest at home!

***
And you know what's great about this night? The radio just won't stop throwing some good old 1990's music at me like crazy and early 2000's, too! Vertical Horizon's It's Over, Hanson's Penny And Me (ultimate roadtrip kilig song) and The Calling's Our Lives and some Third Eye Blind, Everclear, July For Kings, Ashanti and Mariah and Artful Dodger! Like totally crazy! It's the RX MONSTERS' RIOT which happens every Wednesday.

On that note, Congratulations to Monster Radio RX 93.1, yes, Manila's Hottest radio station for a successful SCHOLARSHIP PROGRAM! The first on FM radio! :-)

Wednesday

I woke up to nothingness. I got to work 2 minutes earlier than usual. I had a good 15-minute breakfast of Garlic Rice, Longganisa and a mug of hot coffee, my first real hot coffee in 2 months. I stopped taking in anything that could trigger my GERD, gastro-whatnot. Up to now, I still don't know what it's called. Acid Reflux, keep it plain jane that way.

***
Dale, a friend from college, a hopeless romantic one, if I may, shared his story about coping up with depression from a past love and someone who for the longest time had been trying so hard to break-in on the scene. I was like, dude, you don't start my morning with love stories and shit. Like seriously, people getting depressed over a lost, a stolen love are dead men walking. It's funny how I get to say all these now, I feel all free and alone and happy and knowing that there are people going through what I once had gone through makes me feel terrible that they might not be able to survive what I already have. I feel all super human knowing that I'm not patronizing the so-called love anymore. I wish all the best for Dale. And it's funny that the person who's hurt him far too many times happens to be a good friend of mine as well so I'm like, whatever dudes, grow up. And to the person who all his life wanted to be in the name of the game, you're some pathetic butt trying to sniff on someone else's left-over. And yes, I am still bitter about seeing two trashes in a bin mixing themselves together. Just a funny and creative idea. Two banana peels could actually be a fruit itself. You don't get me, don't try to at all.

***
One of my many best friends, the one who's been my sister in College is giving birth! Lea Valdez-Mendoza is giving birth this week to, I hope and I'm certain, a healthy baby boy! All your prayers are very much needed. I love Lea so much and it's time I focus my attention on someone else- Baby Marion. :-) I am ready to take the responsibility of a fairy-god-bestfriend-aka-beckie.

***
Friday, pay day, I feel sick, under the weather, unwell, but I need to go out and dance. So if anyone from my group is reading this, text me, I got the names in, I'll see you Friday, Shangri-La, Dome Cafe dinner at 7pm. Go straight to Lea's and then Manor.

***
Yesterday at work, I had the most beautiful letdown. I had to be picked by Mama from work because I couldn't go home depressed. I had to eat chocolates just to let go of all the frustrations and realizations. It worked. Chocolates are love, whether or not you suffer from acid reflux, they do work.

***
A friend said,

"Arden, you're such a loner!"

when he saw me eating in the pantry by myself and on lunch breaks, I disappear for an hour, yes, all by myself, and I said in response,

"Good on you. You got something right today!"

Yes, I'm a loner. I'm the world's biggest irony. I'm the friendly dude who doesn't like to be with people during breaks and lunch. I'm slowly turning into a creep. Could this mean, I'm no loner who I thought I once was? My, my, I have my own world and no one's allowed to touch that.

***
Right now, my world's about the big screen. I make it a point to watch one to two films in a week at Shang in preparation for the Oscars. Please never deprive me of that.

On that note, I better head on out of here.

Lunch is over,
I was with me all the while. *Lame*

***
Oh and I was crying to Here There And Everywhere kanina.
For some reason.

I went through my blog entries today and I was frustrated with myself.

You know what the problem with me is? I don't proof read! I just click the publish button away.

I swear I'm gonna have to turn this all around.

Blog, I still love you.
Well, my blog site, I mean.

Got to go. Happy Monday!

September 25, Friday, eve of the Ondoy havoc.
Legend Villas Hotel, Mandaluyong City.

Carey Mulligan, I don't know you but I'm dying to finally get to,I can't wait for An Education" to be watched by me who thinks shares the same sentiments with the character you are playing in the most talked-about film this year where you star side-by-side Peter Sarsgaard (OH, LOVE), Alfred Molina, Dominic Cooper among other big names. Dearest, people say they want to give you the Oscar trophy already this early but please, just chill, a nomination for you is already as grand as how it was for Anne Hathaway in last year's race. What I'm trying to say is, GIVE THE F*CKING OSCAR TO LA MERYL STREEP!

Wednesday.

I was stressed at work (like I don't get tired of saying it every day), parents didn't feel all asking me to come home real early and I just feel frustrated about being alone especially since it's the joyous season where no one considers the feeling of lonesomeness, I went to the theatre and watched a film I've been waiting for all my life since I learned about it.